Dear Mookie,
Sometimes time moves slowly. The minutes we spend when you are eating seem like hours, while the hours you spend sleeping seem like minutes. And the days we spend together seem like seconds, while the seconds you spend crying seem like months.
And this month has passed by quickly. You have grown and changed before our eyes, and we're loving every one of those changes. The most magnificent, and endearing change is the fact that you are smiling. Everyone who sees you smile is completely taken by you...of course. I love every smile, but I think the best ones are when I come in to get you after you've been sleeping and you see me and realize I'm going to pick you up...and you smile. Big.
I forget everything when I see you smile.
(like what I was going to write about in this letter!)
This last month you met even more of your family. Your Grandma Burns came to visit for a week, and then you, Papa and I flew to Birmingham. While we were there, you stole the hearts of Grandpa Willie, Grandma Jen, Uncle Jonathan, Aunt Terri, and your cousin (we'll call her) AJ. Then on our return journey, you met and stole your Great Aunt Barb's heart, too. You traveled great, though. You really did. We were both pretty tired when we got home, so we took a few days at home to rest and recuperate.
Today, on your two-monthiversary, we used your last newborn-sized diaper. You've grown up SO much! Yesterday you weighed 9 pounds, 10 ounces. You gained almost 2 pounds in the last month. Good for you. And your neck is much stronger, too. I can hold you against my shoulder and you can hold your head up rather than banging it against my collar bone like you used to. :o) This just gives me one more way to hold you. And you sure like to be held. All the time with the holding. I think I've walked a marathon up and down the halls over the last month trying to get you to sleep. But the good news is that you are starting to settle yourself to sleep. Sometimes. Oh, bless you for the sometimes. The sling is still a challenge for both of us, but now that you are bigger and stronger, I can put you in my front carrier, and hang out like a champ.
I think you are bigger than the bear this month, and I know you'll only get bigger. This time at least you could kinda hold yourself up!
When I zoomed in on your face next to the bear's, you decided to smile for me. That precious smile.
And as if you were trying to explain something to me...
Each morning you and I spend a little time together doing our "exercises." We listen to
Sirius KidStuff Radio on the TV, and I move your arms and legs to the music. Sometimes you'll move your arms and legs, too. If you are particularly chatty, we'll "talk" for a few minutes. You coo, I coo back. Over and over and over again. Sometimes I wonder what you are really trying to say! After our exercises and our chat, I roll you over for "tummy time," which you don't like so much, as evidenced by your cries of frustration after a few minutes. I know it's important, but I hate to make you do something you don't like. Poor girl.
You are still sleeping in your
Moses basket at night next to our bed, but I don't think you'll be there much longer. You still like it just fine, it's just that it seems to be
shrinking. I'm sure the cat will put it to good use when you're done with it, though. :o) One of my favorite things to do, next to seeing you smile, of course, is to sleep near you. I will sleep on the floor of your room if you are in your crib. I will (shame on me) put you in our bed if I want to sleep a little later in the morning and you are just an ounce too fussy to sleep in the basket. There is just something so comforting about sleeping near you, knowing that you are content, and hearing you breathe, and coo, and try to suck on your fist, and even giggle in your sleep. And then when you wake up, your stretches are just mesmerizing. You are just fun to watch.
I've realized this month that my big lesson, my big growth issue is
flexibility. I need to be more flexible, and you are teaching me that. Before you were born (and as I'm still learning this lesson), I would get something in my head, and I was just determined to do it. To go there. To finish it. To
whatever. But you, your schedule isn't my schedule. And I am realizing how selfish it is to always make you fit into my schedule. You have no control over when you get hungry. You don't care if we're on the interstate or at home. You are HUNGRY and you need to eat. And I'm sorry for the times I've made you wait. And I'm sorry for the times I didn't know you needed me to change your diaper, and I just kept driving. I know God has been using you to work in me, and He will continue to do so, I'm sure. I definitely see His grace in you. I still pray that God will make me a better Mama. I want to be the very best Mama you could ever imagine having. I want to be THE BEST, because you? You deserve the best.
I want you to feel how much I love you. How big I love you. How deep I love you.
(
read Dear Mookie: Month One here)